About FMA
Greetings, salutations, and welcome to fiveminuteanswers.net. My name is Kent Woodyard and I’ll be doing the talking. By visiting my humble corner of the internet, you have paid me a great compliment while simultaneously validating my megalomaniacal assumption that people care about my opinion. If that was not your intention, feel free to hit your browser’s back button. I’m sure you will find justinbieber.com much the same as you left it.
Five Minute Answers is founded on a Principle and a Promise. The Principle is this: anything worth saying can be said in less than five minutes. In our modern age of 24-hour news networks, the internet, and sideline reporters not named Erin Andrews, we are inundated from dawn till dawn with news, “news”, and opinions. The driving attitude behind all this chatter seems to be that larger, longer, and louder is better. Five Minute Answers stands opposed to this needless verbosity.
This blog exists to carry on the lost tradition of brevity that guided our civilization from the Ten Commandments to the Gettysburg Address to Tiger Woods’ apology speech.
The titans of history understood that people want to be spoken to in snippets and sound bites, not soliloquies. Politicians and professors may well be right about a few things, but, honestly, who has the time to sit through a 45 minute monologue? There are Facebook pages to update, Tweets to tweet, and gossip mags to peruse. People want the skinny, the scoop, the dirt, and then they want to get on with their lives.
Is it any coincidence that Shaggy never wrote a song longer than 3 minutes and 56 seconds? I think not. And far be it for me to tread where Shaggy dared not.
Which brings me to The Promise: I will never post anything on this site that will take you longer than five minutes to read. (**Disclaimer: Promise contingent on a minimum 5th grade reading level and a cursory understanding of written English.**) Posts on Five Minute Answers will be strongly worded, barely edited, and poorly researched, but, most of all, they will be concise. I may be a dangerously self-absorbed egomaniac, but even I am not arrogant enough to think you’ll give me more than 300 of the precious seconds you could be spending on LOST message boards.
New articles will be posted every Monday with random thoughts, threats, and tirades sprinkled throughout the week. Great fun will be had by all (and by “all” I of course mean “me”).
Thanks for stopping by. I’ll see you around.
